These 5 books will help you realign with yourself

Reading Time: 6 minutes

Reading is a practice that contributes immensely to our mental, emotional wellbeing both of which are intricately connected to our physical health. However, there are too many of us who are not taking advantage of this amazing source of information and collective wisdom. In this post, I have encapsulated a collection of books that have personally contributed tremendously to my own personal growth and wellbeing especially in terms of bringing clarity to what gives my life meaning and what is important to me.

Those who know me well know that I am a voracious reader. I truly believe that reading is an extremely effective way of gaining insight into other people's experiences and wisdom. We can be inspired and motivated by others who have led a rich and meaningful life on their own terms. This post, in particular, is about books which will help you to realign with yourself and your purpose. With that, given below are five books that you can pick up today that will change your life in one way or the other.

(This is the first in a series of posts that I will be writing every month or so on books and resources that you will likely benefit from)

The Power of Meaning by Emily Esfahani Smith

This book is a powerful guide to finding meaning in our lives. It gives a different perspective on what we know about happiness. Social scientists are now proving what philosophers have known all along; that the pursuit of happiness actually makes people unhappy. Emily Esfahani Smith identifies four pillars upon which meaning rests: Belonging, Purpose, Storytelling and Transcendence.

In this book, the author gives an insight into what determines a life lived purposefully. She stresses on the fact each of us has different strengths, abilities, insights and talents and we will need to be aware of these and have knowledge about ourselves to live a life filled with purpose. She goes on to show that those of us who have a purpose in life, contribute towards the goal that we set for ourselves, ultimately lead lives which are more satisfying and meaningful. A must read for anyone who is looking to find ways to incorporate purpose, belonging as well as happiness in their lives. The Power of Meaning  by Emily Esfahani Smith (October 2017)

 

 

Essentialism by Greg McKeown

This book is one of the books that I tend to read again and again. This is the book which first brought awareness to the fact that rather than focussing on how we can do more and more, we need to focus on doing the right things. So rather than trying to fit everything in our to-do list and our life and suffering from overwhelm, overscheduling and stress we can learn how to say "no" to things that are not important and start focussing on the right things.

In this book, the author writes about the staggering choices that we are forced to confront on a daily basis which keep us stuck as we battle decision fatigue. The information overload in the digital age and the myth that "you can have it all"  is contributing to the stress in our modern life. As an alternative, the author shows us ways to apply more selective criteria to understand what is truly Essential and saying "no" to what is not.

Personally, this book has helped me to revaluate the decisions that I make on a daily basis and helped me to focus on what is really important in my life. This book will help you to discover your priorities and provide you with a template to "do less, but better." Essentialism by Greg McKeown (April 2014)

 

 

The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware

This book was initially written as a blog post by a palliative nurse taking care of terminally ill patients. After working with such patients her life was transformed. She wrote about it in a blog post which encapsulated the most common regrets of those whom she had cared for at the very end of their lives. This struck a chord with people all over the world and it was read by over three million people.

This encouraged her to write her own personal story as well as the top five regrets of those at the end of their lives. At the end of the day, this book is not so much about dying but about how to actually live a life with peace, clarity and purpose. Read this book to gain an insight into finding out what truly matters to you, what you want from life and how to garner the courage to walk your own path.

This book has brought immense clarity to my own life and has taught me just how precious my life truly is. While the writing style may be a bit difficult for some of you, do continue with this book and read it to gain an insight into how you can live a life that is well lived and worthwhile. The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware (May 2017)

 

 

Mindset by Carol Dweck

This book is written by a professor of psychology at Stanford University and is the book on "growth mindset". The author and her colleagues did a groundbreaking experiment with a group of students which showed that contrary to popular belief, their mindset played a key role in their achievements and motivation levels. They also found that by changing their mindset they were actually able to improve the outcomes.

This research showed the way in terms of how success in school, work, arts, sports and many other areas in life can be dramatically influenced by how we think about our skills and abilities. This book can help us to change the way we think about failure, foster resiliency and transform our life.

This book has helped me to change the way I think about effort, failure and my own abilities. I have been able to apply these principles in different areas of my life including parenting, work, business and relationships and have seen firsthand it's transformative power.

Read this book to learn more about "fixed" vs "growth" mindset and how you can work on your own mindset and build the right mindset in children in particular.  Mindset by Carol Dweck (January 2017)

 

Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life by Hector Garcia and Fransesc Miralles

Ikigai is a word that is used to describe our reason for "being." I came across the word"Ikigai" a couple of years back and it has stayed with me ever since. It is a Japanese word/concept which means "a reason for being" and has a profound effect on longevity and the quality of life.

Our Ikigai may be different for each of us, but we are all searching for something that gives meaning to our life. Knowing that what we are doing with our life is at the intersection of our values, our passion and contribution to society give us the strength and the conviction to carry on even during difficult and uncertain times.

I am truly blessed to be one those fortunate few who is in the centre of this convergence in my own life and I urge you to make an effort to work towards your own beautiful whole. Read this book to find begin your search for and discover your own "Ikigai". Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life by Hector Garcia and Fransesc Millares (September 2017)

 

These are the 5 books that I would like to leave you with at this time. I will be sharing such books and resources on various topics which will contribute either directly or indirectly to your health and wellbeing. Books are a major part of my life and help me to learn and grow in more ways than I can count. I hope that you will take advantage of what I have shared and give yourself the "gift" of reading.

As someone had said wisely..

A book is a gift you can open again and again

Do you know your ‘WHY” ? (And why you should)

Reading Time: 6 minutes

(It has been a while since I wrote and I am really looking forward to getting in touch with you on a regular basis. This first post is a series of posts that I intend to write over the next six weeks on interrelated topics ranging from discovering your life's purpose; prioritising what is important in your life in your daily schedule; reconnecting with yourself; practising self-care in order to reach our health and wellness goals)

Why is it that...

so many of us live the majority of our lives wandering around in the wilderness with seemingly no direction and no sense of purpose?

so many of us climb the ladder of success only to find it perched up on the wrong wall?

instead of choosing to embody the "best version of ourselves" we choose to become a "mediocre" version at best?

These questions had never even been in my field of awareness until a few years back when we were struggling to deal with our daughter's health crisis. This was an extremely difficult period in my life which forced me to get out of my comfort zone and grow into the person I truly needed to become in order to be able to fully contribute towards my role as her primary caregiver. The reality of the circumstances at that time acted as a mirror that I had no choice but to look into and confront on a daily basis. I did not know it at that time, but this phase of our lives would end up changing all of us and lead me on a path to self-discovery and self-exploration. This journey was neither smooth nor comfortable and was filled with uncertainty. However, something deep inside made me decide to keep an open mind and continue on the path one step at a time- it was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life.

At the end of this path, I found a way to heal my daughter, found my calling as Health Coach to help others like her who are suffering and set up the first Functional Medicine Health Coaching practice in India. Just like me, each one of us has our own life journey with innumerable forks in the road where we have to choose between one of the two paths ahead of us. And we need to choose wisely, as our choices eventually become our destiny. What I found is that as I got to know myself better, these choices became clearer and easier to make even though I never really knew what the actual outcome might be way down the line. But first I had to know myself well enough and trust myself in order to go with my own instinct to make the decisions that I felt was right at that time for me.

So the question you need to ask yourself is: What do I want from my life?

And no, this NOT a rhetorical question. It is a question which deserves time and respect. It needs to be thought through and then written down in a quiet and clear frame of mind (do take some time out ponder and write down answers to this question preferably in a journal as this should give you some insight into which areas of your life is in alignment with your principles and which are not). However, this is just the beginning of your journey into self-exploration.

 

Research shows us that when we devote ourselves to a difficult but worthwhile task- think of your role as a parent, or as a caregiver for your loved one, taking care of your pet or even pursuing a noble cause or growing a plant- our lives feel more significant. Psychologists call this the "Ikea Effect"- i.e, putting together furniture makes people like it more and it is true even when we apply this to aspects of our lives.

German philosopher Frederick Nietzsche once said, ‘He who has a why can endure any how.’

The pervasive "busyness" of our adult lives can mask the lack of a sense of purpose, something that gives our lives meaning. This "purpose" is our first and foremost reason to get out of bed each and every morning knowing that we are making a difference in this world and leaving our mark. This feeling makes our struggles worthwhile and gives us the strength to push through even when there is no end in sight. This kind of purpose can also to help us to take risks and move beyond our comfort zone to GROW and maintain momentum over long periods of time. But all this is really hard to sustain when we are not clear on our life's purpose and what is most important to us.

Indeed, there is no one right way of doing this and no one person's purpose is bigger or better than someone else's. There is simply no comparison since we are all unique individuals with unique ways of thinking and circumstances. But no matter how different we all are, one thing is clear, as research (AND literature AND philosophy) shows us that true happiness is tied to having meaning in our lives since happiness without meaning usually leads to a shallow and even self- absorbed life. In fact, research also shows that when we have a convergence in a clear sense of purpose, (comprehension) being able to make sense of life experiences and (significance) perceiving one's life to be worthwhile we have a truly rich and meaningful life.

Some of us are fortunate enough to have found a way to be able to reach a place of convergence where various aspects of our life come together as a beautiful whole. I came across the word"Ikigai" a couple of years back and it has stayed with me ever since. It is a Japanese word/concept which means "a reason for being" and has a profound effect on longevity and the quality of life. To figure out your Ikigai, Dan Buettner (author of the book The Blue Zones) suggests making three lists- your values, things you like to do and things you are good at.

 

 

There are five basic pillars to Ikigai (based on the book Awakening your Ikigai by Ken Mogi)

  • Starting small
  • Releasing yourself
  • Harmony and sustainability
  • The joy of small things
  • Being in the here and now

Knowing that what we are doing with our life is at the intersection of our values, our passion and contribution to society gives us the strength and the conviction to carry on even during difficult and uncertain times and prevents burnout in long run. I am truly blessed to be one those fortunate few who is in the centre of this convergence and I urge you to make an effort to work towards your own beautiful whole.

If this concept appeals to you can delve deeper into this with the help of the book (you can buy it HERE).

Unfortunately, many of us end up with a lifetime of regret that is filled with a lot of "I wish I had..." and "If only..." instead of having loved and lived by being the "best version of ourselves". As a result, we may end up with a life filled with regret and unfulfilled dreams as we have waited until it was just too late.

Don't you think it would be a tragedy if we...

∼wait till the end of our lives to realise that we have lived our life not being true to ourselves and the way we truly wanted to?

∼never take the time out from our busy lives to reflect upon whether the path that we are on is the one we have chosen with intention?

∼leave this world with our gifts unopened, never having really shared them with the world?

In fact, the top 5 common regrets as recorded by a palliative nurse Bronnie Ware in her book "Top 5 regrets of the dying" are given below. Her patients had this to say as they were facing the end of their lives...

I wish...

I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

I hadn’t worked so hard

I’d had the courage to express my feelings

I had stayed in touch with my friends

that I had let myself be happier

So let us dream and let us take out the time to reflect on what is truly important for each of us. Let us find the courage to face up to reality and make the changes necessary to live in our TRUTH. To look at ourselves in the mirror every single day and be proud of who we are. At the same time be able to view life compassionately as we deal with our own pain and suffering and that of others.

Let us live our life knowing that we did our best to become the "best version of ourselves". 

If not, we may end up as the poet, Rabindranath Tagore said so eloquently-

The song that I came to sing remains unsung to this day.
I have spent my days in stringing and in unstringing my instrument.
The time has not come true, the words have not been rightly set;
only there is the agony of wishing in my heart.

 

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